I hate it when I can’t feel God. I absolutely do. My prayers feel wordy and dead, and I don’t feel like reading Scripture. In those seasons, I can’t help but wonder, does God even care? Or, what did I do to deserve this distance? All these people say Christianity isn’t a religion; it’s a relationship. But honestly I don’t feel God, so what relationship could possibly exist?
Anyone else been there?
I ramble with God. A lot. When my faith feels dead, I say a lot of words or none at all.
God, I don’t know if this is what You want for me,
But, God, I pray that You show me Your destiny for my life.
Oh, will You pull me closer?
I don’t know what to do when I can’t see what’s true.
Will You pull me closer to You? Oh Jesus, will You be with me in all my struggles?
Will You hold me so close? Will You guide me? Will You hold me?
I’m so scared.
I began writing this song on my drive back to college from spring break my sophomore year. I was in a season of eagerly wondering where God would take me after graduation. It was all I could think about. Honestly, the verses just poured out. I was just praying. I am so thankful I started recording what I was singing!
After the verses had sat on my heart for a few months, I sat down to play with it. I grabbed my guitar and figured out some chords. I sang through the verses a few times. Then, out of nowhere, I heard this melody and these words ringing in my head and heart:
Daughter, I’m here. I’m drawing you near.
Just lean into Me. Listen for Me.
I’m guiding your heart. I know I seem far,
But let Me come closer. Let Me inside.
Out of nothing, God spoke.
Listen, whether you’re a daughter or a son, I want you to know and hold onto this: God is for you, not against you. I promise you.
I don't know what your relationship with God looks like. I don't know if you've been wounded by the church. I don't know your story. I don't know your pain.
But I do know this.
The Creator of the universe sees you. He sees all of you. And He couldn't love you more.
Don't you dare, for one second, let someone tell you that God doesn't care about you. Don't let them tell you that you've fallen too far, because, friend, the size of your conflict does not determine the power of the King.
Come, My child. I love you so.
I'll hold you close.
I'll never let you go.
My child, will you trust Me?
Here, take My hand--let's go.
God wants to adventure with you on your journey. He wants to be involved in all that you do. Your joys, your heartaches, your embarrassing moments, your amazing times--God wants to be with you in everything.
Will you let Him?
Click below to listen to the song: